evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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