Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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