I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
