We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
