Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
