Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
