I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
