The maid of honor just puked.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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