I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
