I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I stole a fireplace last night.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
