opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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