who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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