I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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