One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
