I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
