Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
