just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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