It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
