i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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