I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
