I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
