sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
