...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
