I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
worst night to have a conscience
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
