Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
