She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
