Got a toothbrush?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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