Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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