i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
