someone threw a dead crab at me
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
