I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
