It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
and she was petting her beer can
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
