WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
