i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
