Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
