So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
