I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
