wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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