someone get that fucking seahorse.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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