I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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