Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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