I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
