Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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