How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
