I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
