i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
