The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
