I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
