Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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