Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
