there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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