a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
