he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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